Friend, it’s time we have a little talk about negative self talk. We’ve all done it before and you may even be doing do it right now. We live in a world filled with highlight reels and facades. It makes it so easy for us to play the comparison game. The aftermath of comparison usual leads to negative self talk. We ask ourselves why we don’t have the things other people don’t have, why’s we aren’t good enough, the list goes on. There are many different reasons of why we fall into the trap of negative self talk. In order to grow out of this habitual trap, we must take a look at our past to pinpoint the trauma that hasn’t been dealt with. Personally, my negative self talk dates back to elementary school when I was picked on. I carried these traumas throughout my life which caused me to be a bit insecure in different areas of my life. When we don’t address our trauma, it bleeds into different areas of our lives causing us to act out of a place of the past. We tend to think that the same thing that happened back then is going to happen again. So we act out of fear. This, my friend, starts in the mind. Recently I learned in my counseling session that when we live out of a place of the the past or future, we negate the present, therefore missing important components of what’s actually real. We create narratives that just are not true. We must learn to get out of our emotions and learn to become present in the moment. We can do this by practicing using our senses. What do you see right now? What to you feel? What do you hear? What do you smell? These things are true and tangible.
PINPOINT YOUR WHY
In order for us to change negative self talk, we first need to figure out the root of why we are creating these narratives. Pinpoint the specific things you are saying to yourself now. Now ask yourself where that thought stems from. This will force you to think deep into your past, even as a child. Put yourself on the couch and give yourself a real therapy session. Don’t rush this step, it’s very important.
REPLACE YOUR STRUGGLES WITH SOLUTIONS
Replace your myths with God’s Word, and something practical that you can do. For example, if I’m telling myself I’ll never be good at public speaking because I’m too shy, I’ll replace that myth with, “I’ll be good at public speaking because God’s Word says, ‘Who makes a person’s mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I the Lord?’ I’ll be good at public speaking because God will give me the power and authority to do so. He created my mouth, mind, and voice to speak. I’m going to practice it until I’m comfortable. I’ll take public speaking classes to learn the best techniques.” Using this technique will not only get you out of your emotions, but it will also give you something tangible to replace your negative thoughts with. It’s a way to train your brain to create new neural pathways. Every problem has a solution, even if we can’t quite see what those solutions may be right off. If you don’t battle your thoughts with solutions, you’ll remain stuck, and negative self talk will consume you until you face it. Don’t stress yourself. Instead, start to move through this process until you move towards solutions that bring true peace.
FROM NEGATIVE TO POSITIVE
Combat your negative self talk with positive self talk. For example, if I think, “I hate the way I dress, I wish I looked more like her”, I would combat that thought with “I like the way she dresses. I’m going to be more intentional with the way I dress. I’m going to go thrifting and play with some different styles that compliment my body. I’ll start my closet clean out tonight.” It really helps when you get really specific on what your plan is. It’s also very beneficial to add timelines to what you are planning to do. You never want to give yourself vague goals or timelines. Vagueness creates room for stagnation. The goal is to ultimately minimize our self talk until it becomes a thing of the past. Of course we won’t be able to completely eliminate it, but we can at least do a better job with how we handle it.