I was just in a car accident with a delivery truck that veered into my lane because they didn’t see my bright lime green Jeep Wrangler. All I could think of right after I finished spinning out of control was, “oh my God my car! I don’t have time for this! I was almost at work. Maybe I could have avoided this if I just…” I’m disappointed in myself for even thinking of anything other than being thankful to God that I was okay.
After dealing with the police and the oh so fun process of filing a police report, I was finally dropped off to work and my manager insisted that I take the day because I was so shaken up. I insisted that I was fine, and there was nothing I could do about my situation at home…the damage was already done. I explained that I could get through the day and reassured her that I was fine. She wouldn’t take no for an answer so I finally took her word for it and had a friend pick me up.
I’m currently laying in bed replaying the whole situation and the headache it has already put me through. Honestly, I feel defeated. I’m not much of a materialistic person, but anyone who knows me knows that I love my Jeep. Lately I’ve been working on getting it paid off so that I’ll no longer have a car payment. I’ve become so consumed with my finances and improving my current living arrangements that it has almost put me in a state of desperation. I began to realize that I had made an idol of my finances, and put my situation above God. No longer was I asking for God’s help, but I was taking matters into my own hands and planning how my life was to be.
Sometimes we lose track of what’s really important and fret over things that are ultimately meaningless. In the grand scheme of things, I should be simply grateful for my life! Period! It could have been so much worse, but thank God that He had other plans for me. I don’t know what those plans are, but obviously He’s keeping me alive to get through it. It’s imperative that we learn to listen better and stay in his covering. We must allow him to be the pilot that guides our direction. We must learn to surrender all control to Him. As long as we are in the land of the living, we have a mission to accomplish.
Deep down, I still feel defeated….. It’s not because of my car wreckage, it’s moreso because I feel like this situation was all my fault. The car accident was not my fault, but the situation was. You see, that particular morning, I was rushing to work because I was running behind. I had a feeling before I got into the lane next to the truck that I shouldn’t rush past then because they might not see me coming. But I did it anyway ignoring that voice in the back of my head, and before I knew it, I was spinning out of control. In life, we must learn to listen and discern that still small voice and become obedient.
I’ll admit that I tend to put things and people before God, and I don’t prioritize Him like I should. I try to take control of situations thinking that I know just how to fix them, when I need to release control and let God do the fixing. We shouldn’t live the way we want to and not the way He has called us to. When we choose to live this way, we are living lukewarm. Revelation 3:16 says, “So because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I will spit you out of my mouth.” God will not accept us if we don’t choose His Way. This situation has pushed me to take prayer, meditation, and obedience more seriously. The devil is real and he knows just how to distract us and try to separate us from God. Friend, let’s continue to be vigilant and lift each other in prayer.
“I hate those with divided loyalties, but I love your instructions. You are my refuge and my shield; your word is my source of hope. Get out of my life, you evil-minded people, for I intend to obey the commands of my God. Lord, sustain me as you promised, that I may live! Do not let my hope be crushed. Sustain me, and I will be rescued; then I will meditate continually on your decrees. But you have rejected all who stray from your decrees. They are only fooling themselves. You skim off the wicked of the earth like scum; no wonder I love to obey your laws! I tremble in fear of you; I stand in awe of your regulations. Don’t leave me to the mercy of my enemies, for I have done what is just and right. Please guarantee a blessing for me. Don’t let the arrogant oppress me! My eyes strain to see your rescue, to see the truth of your promise fulfilled. I am your servant; deal with me in unfailing love, and teach me your decrees. Give discernment to me, your servant; then I will understand your laws. Lord, it is time for you to act, for these evil people have violated your instructions. Truly, I love your commands more than gold, even the finest gold. Each of your commandments is right. That is why I hate every false way.”
Psalms 119:113-128 NLT